Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 17:30:52 -0800 From: Claudia Coles (ccoles@dcez.dcez4tag.com) Subject: Young Tony Verdeschi and The Psychology Exam - Alphan Humor Hi Gang, Just want to pass you on some "Alphan" humor. Hope you enjoy it :) Claudia ---------- "Alphanized" message ---------- More on "Tony Verdeschi" and school. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- --->Young Tony and a thousand other space academy students were taking the Psych 101 final examon starry evening. Time was called for all graphitic utensils [ that's pencils for all you pre-1999 folk :) ] to be taken up, but Young Tony and a few others kept on writing. As the others filed up to the front of the class to stack up their blue books, young Tony kept on writing. Finally, nearly 5 minutes after the other students had finished and left, Young Tony closed his Blue Book and walked to the front with his test. "Keep it Young Man. You get a zero," said the instructor. Young Tony looked puzzled. "Don't you know who I am?" he replied. "No," answered the instructor, not caring. "You DON'T know who I am?" replied Young Tony indignantly. "NO," the instructor replied. "Good!" said Young Tony, and he shoved his exam into the middle of the stack of Blue Books and walked out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Source Disclaimer - I am not the original source for this story, though I have used my "internet license" to make the approriate changes to "Alphanize" the text you have just read. The names in this story have been changed to protect the guilty...I mean the innocent :). More "Alpahnized" humor awaits :) respectfully submitted, your fellow Alphan, Claudia Communications Officer - MBS Alpha
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 17:54:31 -0800 From: Claudia Coles (ccoles@dcez.dcez4tag.com) Subject: Mama Helena, Down On The Ol' Alphan Farm - Alphan Humor Hi Gang, Here's another one like I promised. Seems like those dang Alphans did colonize the south side of some planet...but where?! :) yfA, Claudia ---------- "Alphanized" message ---------- ============================================================================= Subject: A LETTER FROM MAMA HELENA TO HER SON Time Reference: MANY YEARS AFTER COLONIZATION ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ DEAR SON, I'M WRITING THIS REAL SLOW CAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN'T READ VERY FAST. WE DON'T LIVE WHERE WE DID WHEN YOU LEFT. YOUR DADDY JOHN, READ ON THE SPACENET NEWS THAT MOST ACCIDENTS HAPPEN WITHIN TWENTY MILES OF HOME, SO WE MOVED. I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEND YOU THE ADDRESS BECAUSE THE LAST ALPHAN FAMILY THAT LIVED HERE TOOK THE NUMBERS OFF THE HOUSE WITH THEM FOR THEIR NEXT HOUSE SO THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO CHANGE THEIR ADDRESS. THIS PLACE HAS A WASHING MACHINE. HOWEVER, AFTER THE FIRST DAY I PUT FOUR SHIRTS IN, PULLED THE CHAIN AND I AIN'T SEEN THEM SINCE. IT ONLY RAINED TWICE LAST WEEK. THREE DAYS THE FIRST TIME AND FOUR DAYS THE SECOND TIME. YOU KNOW THAT SPACESUIT YOU WANTED ME TO SEND YOU? WELL, AUNT SUE SAID IT WOULD BE TOO HEAVY TO SEND IN THE MAIL WITH THEM HEAVY AIRLOCK BUTTONS ON IT, SO WE CUT THEM OFF AND PUT THEM IN THE POCKETS. WE GOT A LETTER FROM THE FUNERAL HOME, THEY SAID IF WE DON'T MAKE THE LAST PAYMENT ON GRANDMA'S FUNERAL BILL, UP SHE COMES. YOUR SISTER HAD A BABY THIS MORNING. I AIN'T HEARD WHETHER IT'S A BOY OR A GIRL, SO I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE AN AUNT OR AN UNCLE. THREE OF YOUR FRIENDS WENT OFF THE BRIDGE IN A MOONBUGGY PICKUP, ONE WAS DRIVING, THE OTHER TWO WAS IN THE BACK. THE DRIVER GOT OUT, HE ROLLED THE WINDOW DOWN AND SWAM TO SAFETY, THE OTHER TWO DROWNED. THEY COULDN'T GET THE TAIL GATE DOWN. THERE'S NOT MUCH NEWS THIS TIME, NOTHIN' MUCH HAS HAPPENED. LOVE, YOUR MAMA HELENA ============================================================================= Source Disclaimer - I am not the original source for this story, though I have used my "internet license" to make the approriate changes to "Alphanize" the text you have just read. The names in this story have been changed to protect the guilty...I mean the innocent :). More "Alphanized" humor awaits :) respectfully submitted, your fellow Alphan, Claudia Communications Officer - MBS Alpha